Society vs. boys

By Conor Baranski
Reader Staff

As a high-school teacher, father of one boy and one girl, and just someone who is curious about society, the statistical decline of young men has intrigued me for years, so when a recent “Emily Articulated” column addressed the TikTok sensation of “bear vs. man,” I felt compelled to gather and share some of the evidence I have compiled. 

In my 12-year career at Sandpoint High School, I have been on the frontlines of what author Dr. Warren Farrell calls “The Boy Crisis.” With extensive interaction with both teen males and teen females, the following statistics are sadly unsurprising. Most of these are from either Dr. Farrell or Professor Scott Galloway and are from studies on American students. 

Courtesy photo.

In recent years, seven out of 10 high-school valedictorians will be female. Over the next five years, for every one male college graduate, there will be two female college graduates. In any advanced placement or honors class, the males are likely to be outnumbered by up to 33%. Boys are almost three times more likely to be expelled and around twice as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. 

Male students tend to do better with male teachers, yet 80% of primary and secondary teachers are female. At my kids’ elementary school, the only male on staff is the P.E. teacher. 

There are many, many more stats like these, and they paint the story that after the societal and legislative shift to, quite rightly, elevate females with Title IX in 1972, they’ve left young males in the dust. 

And it’s not just academics where males are struggling. Ninety-three percent of mass shooters are male. Men are three times more likely to overdose and four times more likely to commit suicide. Men are 12 times more likely to be incarcerated (and many of those inmates grew up without a father, which is obviously related but a story for a different day). 

Today, a third of men under 30 won’t have had sex in the past year. Farrell’s research indicates that the average American male has logged over 14,000 hours of video gaming before they turn 21 (it takes a third of that time for most people to earn a bachelor’s degree). According to a study done in 2022, in the U.S., 45% of teens (males and females) report that they are online on a “near-constant” basis. 

The proliferation of online pornography means that for some males, they’re getting enough dopamine hits in their bedrooms from video games, social media and pornography that many don’t see the point in attempting to achieve anything beyond that. 

Unfortunately, some see these statistics as justified compensation for all the years that women were cast aside. Unfortunately, if one stands up and advocates on behalf of males, they are often seen as sexist. Unfortunately, females still battle glass ceilings, good-old-boys’ clubs and pay gaps. But two things can be true at the same time, and neither gender wins if one is failing so miserably. 

Males who aren’t having success finding a mate are statistically more likely to begin to access online content that’s further right-wing. This leads to misogynistic viewpoints, nationalist viewpoints and tends to lead them even more into social isolation. Female college graduates are statistically far less likely to date/marry a male without a college degree. On dating apps, the top 10% of males get 80-90% of all the swipe-rights, which leads to unsavory behavior by that 10% of attractive males, and means that the vast majority of the rest are completely shut out of the online dating scene. 

These unfortunate statistics are not the fault of females’ steady progression of success. But the “bear vs. man” moment reminded us that many females are feeling the effects of having to deal with a group that has been steadily underperforming, and is now bitter and at times lashing out in frustration. 

So, how do we fix this? Like most complicated subjects, the answers are also complicated. I like the idea of less screen time, in general, but specifically no social media until, at the earliest, high school. On that front, I have been advocating for a no cell phone policy at the high school. I like the idea of allowing young kids — male and female — to have unstructured play time where they’re forced to work out their own rules, settle arguments, create, mess up. And lastly, I like the idea of male-to-male mentorship. 

There’s been a somewhat recent stigma of older males spending time with anyone younger than them. It’s seen as creepy, and unfortunately anyone who caught the “bear vs. man” trend on TikTok could rattle off statistics that would prove that it’s creepy. 

But the relationships between two people that don’t end in tragedy are so abundant that they are literally countless. They’re unquantifiable and therefore less newsworthy. I have had so many positive male role models that have shaped me into an attentive husband, extremely involved father and a man that would 100% not be creepy in the woods. But every single positive relationship I have had is never going to become a statistic because from a headline standpoint, they’re not interesting enough. 

But as we all know, while our positive relationships don’t make headlines, they should be the most important aspects of our lives. Our young men need help, they need guidance from those wiser and if we can help them out, we all stand to benefit. 

Conor Baranski is a social studies teacher at Sandpoint High School.