‘Making a difference is my reason for being’

By Ben Olson
Reader Staff

Former Sandpoint mayor, pastor and elder advocate Paul Graves announced recently that he would be leaving Sandpoint. Those lucky enough to have known Graves are eager to point out that his gentle, supportive manner has left Sandpoint a better place.

Even at an early age, Graves knew he wanted to help others. He grew up in Kellogg and his grandfather was a Methodist pastor, which set the tone for Graves’ future in the seminary.

“I actually preached my first sermon when I was 15 at a youth Sunday service at our church in Kellogg,” he told the Reader. “What I didn’t know was that it marked me in terms of other people’s expectations. Fortunately, I was in agreement with that.”

Graves attended the University of Puget Sound, headed toward the ministry and later moved onto Northwestern University, where he received a master’s in divinity.

Paul Graves, at his usual table inside the Sandpoint Center.
Photo by Ben Olson.

“After that, I went right to work,” he said.

Graves served 27 years as a parish pastor in different places — including Sandpoint, where he and Sue came in 1988 to pursue his job as a pastor for the United Methodist Church.

In his time there, Graves oversaw preaching, administration, weddings, funerals and a host of other duties.

“Interestingly, over the years, I began to realize that I almost enjoyed doing funerals more than weddings,” he said. “It had to do with people’s focus. They were focused on grieving. At weddings, people are looking forward to the future, but people at funerals weren’t so much, so it was good to be in a place where I could say to them, ‘Yes, there is a future.’”

Graves stepped away from the church in Sandpoint after seven years due to burnout.

“I wasn’t able to channel my compassion and my sense of injustice in ways that were healthy for me,” he said. “I was putting in 80 hours a week and Sue tried really hard to control that on my behalf. Sometimes she was successful and sometimes not.”

Graves dove into community involvement after his time in the church ended. 

“In 1991 and 1992, I was privileged to be one of the founders of the Bonner County Human Rights Task Force,” he said. “I still think that was one of the smartest things that we did as a community in the long term.”

That era was a troubling time in North Idaho, Graves said. It was the heyday of Richard Butler and his headline-grabbing Aryan Nations compound in Hayden.

“I learned a great deal from Father Bill Wassmuth down in Coeur d’Alene,” Graves said, referring to the late-Roman Catholic priest whose home was targeted by neo-Nazis with a bombing in 1986. “Their task force had already formed and they gave us really good leadership. But it was the personalized attack on Bill at the rectory at their church that coalesced the community to fight against the Aryan Nations. … I felt as though we needed to take a stand, so we did.”

In 1996, Graves was asked to fill a Sandpoint City Council position left vacant after annexation forced then-Counselor Valle Novak to relinquish her seat.

“I served on City Council for three years until the summer of 1999, when [then-Mayor] David Sawyer announced he wasn’t going to run for mayor again,” Graves said. “He told me, ‘I think it’ll be really good for you to run.’”

Graves first went to each councilor to see if any of them wanted the job, but nobody stepped up, so he launched a campaign.

“That was an interesting race,” he said, with raised eyebrows.

One of his opponents was Vincent Bertollini, a brief resident of Sandpoint who made a name for himself spreading hate propaganda.

“There was another candidate who, just before the election, was arrested and convicted for molesting his son,” Graves said. “Because there were about six candidates, we weren’t sure that I would get 50% of the vote, so one of the council members proposed an ordinance for a runoff if I came below 50%.”

It turned out to be a moot point, since Graves won the election handily with 87% of the vote.

“The fact that I was a human rights advocate was a big deal then, in November of 1999,” he said.

Graves was proud of establishing a streets department in 2000, which, “for better or worse we still have,” he said.

After serving almost three years, Graves and his wife realized they couldn’t subsist on just Sue’s salary and his modest mayoral compensation. He interviewed for and accepted the Social Service director position at Life Care Center, ultimately resigning as mayor after finalizing the budget. Then-Council President Ray Miller took over as mayor, finished the term and won his own seat the next cycle.

After his time as mayor, Graves returned to advocating for the elderly — a topic that he feels passionate about.

“As we age, our physical and cognitive health is at greater risk,” he said. “Also, we are the targets of ageism. Both within the medical community as well as the general community … people often dismiss older adults just because they’re older.”

After working with Life Care for three years — spending more time at the computer dealing with Medicare documentation than interacting with residents of the facility — Graves made another change.

At 63 years old, Graves drew his church pension, took early Social Security payments and retired. He then started Elder Advocates, which began as a consulting business, but blossomed into a conduit that helped Graves write, educate and share age-related issues with the elderly community.

He wrote a regular faith and values column for the Spokesman-Review starting in 1996 and started writing another column for the Bonner County Daily Bee in 2009. In 2012, he held the first Geezer Forum — a bimonthly meeting and discussion group that advocates for the local elderly population (see sidebar for information about Graves’ last forum and succession plans for the group).

With about 11,000 Baby Boomers turning 65 each day, Graves felt it was his duty to use the forum as a place where the elderly could feel empowered and gather information they needed to live full, happy lives.

Though he’d always been a writer, either in the form of sermons or for his faith and values columns, a move across town inspired what would become one of Graves’ favorite projects: a children’s book called Sox Finds a Home.

“We made a decision to downsize in 2019,” he said. “We bought a house on south Division about 1.7 miles from the old house across from Highway 200. In the first two months, Sox, our orange tabby cat, escaped three times and each time we found him back at the old house.”

The staff at North Idaho Animal Hospital, where Sox went for veterinary visits, told Graves he should write down the story, which he did. Graves connected with graphic artist Julie Coyle, who illustrated the story about Sox’s big adventures.

Graves said he’s already working on a follow-up to the first book, which involves a moose named Harold. He was reading from his book to children at Hope Elementary School when a third-grader came up to ask if he’d written another. Graves told the boy about his idea about Sox meeting a moose.

“He came up to me after and was very shy,” Graves said. “He leaned in and all he said to me was, ‘The moose’s name is Harold.’ That was it and he walked away. So the book is going to be called Sox Meets Harold the Moose.”

Leaving Sandpoint is a decision Graves said didn’t come lightly, but he and Sue were ready for the change.

“Our son Brian and his family live in Hillsboro, Ore.,” he said. “When they moved there 13 years ago, they started asking us to come over. … Last August, Sue and I were over there visiting and fell into talking about it.” 

They visited a few retirement communities and explored the town, falling into the natural decision that it was time for a new adventure.

“I turn 83 in May; Sue just turned 80,” Graves said. “We’re at the point where the years ahead of us are considerably fewer than those behind us, so we decided we wanted to spend them with our kids.”

While he’s excited for the move, Graves said he’s also feeling nostalgic for the community of Sandpoint — a place he and Sue have loved for many years.

“The closer we get to leaving, the more the reality is sinking in,” he said. “This is such a wonderful community. We’ve had nothing but joyful experiences. We’ve developed good friendships, and I’ve learned a great deal as a person, as well as in the various roles that I’ve played. That all certainly benefited me, and I can only hope it benefits the community. I think making a difference is my reason for being.”

Publisher’s note: The Reader thanks Paul Graves for his service to the community and wishes him and Sue the best of luck in their new adventure. Thanks for leaving Sandpoint better than when you found it.

About the Geezer Forum

The long-running Geezer Forum, led by Paul Graves for many years, will take on a new role after Graves announced his departure from Sandpoint. 

Sandpoint Area Seniors, Inc. will take on the Geezer Forum, drawing on SASi’s presence in the community and attunement to the needs of the local aging community.

Graves will offer his farewell at his final Geezer Forum on Tuesday, Feb. 11 at 2:30 p.m. Attendees will gather to celebrate his work and Graves will pass the torch to SASi Director Lisa Bond.

“We are excited to welcome the Geezer Forum and look forward to continuing to bring education, fun and connection to the Sandpoint area community,” Bond stated.

The Geezer Forum will continue to meet at Marigold Café (formerly Tango, located at 414 Church St., in Sandpoint) on the second Tuesday of each month at 2:30 p.m.