Holiday Gift Guide: Weird gifts for your weird friends and family

By Ben Olson
Reader Staff

For many, the holiday season can be a time of anxiety due to a lack of creativity when it comes to giving gifts. That’s why the Reader offers a guide to gift ideas in each of our December editions leading up to Christmas.

This week, we offer weird gifts from off the beaten track, while the Dec. 11 edition will feature ideas that focus on local shops and, finally, the Dec. 18 edition will offer some last-minute gift inspiration. 

Now, onto the weird.

Finger capybara puppets

Everyone loves the noble capybara — a rodent the size of a small car that looks like something you might dream about after eating mustard and sauerkraut before bed. Now you can own your own capybara without having to feed and care for a behemoth rodent. Capybara finger puppets can be a stress toy, an emotional support “pet” or just something funny to bring out at the office. Not a fan of capybaras? You can also purchase goat or opossum finger puppets, or buy them all and display them in your manger for all to see how truly strange you are. Buy them at offthewagonshop.com for just $2.19 apiece. 

Shark blanket onesie

Are you perpetually cold, but also like marine life that could eat you? Consider purchasing a wearable shark blanket onesie, complete with a fin, tail and shark-like appearance — minus the whole apex predator thing. If you’re into the whole apex predator thing, you’re in luck, because the blanket is designed to wrap around the body, allowing the wearer to slip their legs into the shark’s mouth, affording you the experience of what it would be like to be eaten by a soft, cute shark. It’s $18.99 and you can buy it on amazon.com.

Pooping dog butt toothpaste topper

Have you ever wanted to brush your teeth with dog poop? If so, that’s super weird, but now you can with this cleverly designed gadget that screws onto the end of a toothpaste tube and squirts the contents out of the dog’s “butt.” Plus, when you’re not using it, the dog’s legs will keep the toothpaste tube off the surface below. Just don’t forget to wipe it clean every so often to prevent germs. Buy on etsy.com for $4.49.

The anonymous potato

If you actually live in Idaho, you probably shrug when an out-of-stater brings up the inevitable mention of potatoes when talking about Idaho. The truth is, most of us don’t really give a damn about potatoes except when we’re cooking, and most of the tubers we eat in the north don’t actually come from the Gem State, but are actually grown in Washington. But, I digress. Here’s my almost-free weird gift idea of the week: give someone a random potato. Send without a return address, don’t include a note or explanation. Just wrap a potato in a bow and send it to them. Trust me, they’ll talk about it. They’ll lie awake thinking about it. It’ll be the best 30 cents you ever spent on a Christmas gift. Buy them anywhere you buy a potato, weirdo.

Custom pet portraits

In this week’s edition of “Things Pet Owners Actually Spend Money On,” we have a curious service whereby pet owners can send off their pet’s photo and receive a portrait that transforms them into Victorian royalty, a stoic general or perhaps a vile outlaw. All you need to do is select one of the many styles, take a photo of your pet, upload it and the design team will send a preview of the artwork within five days for you to approve. The custom portraits cost about $50 at purrandmutt.com, but that’s chump change compared to a lifetime of people asking, “You actually spent money on that?”

Engrave a face on a wooden spoon

Perhaps you’re vain, or maybe you’ve always wanted to stir your food with your face. Either way, the technology now exists to engrave your own likeness onto a wooden spoon. All you need to do is send the manufacturer a picture you want to use and they’ll send you back the spoon, no questions asked. Why? Why the hell not? Get it on etsy.com for under $15.

Preserved specimens

We all have that one friend or family member who is a little different than the rest. Why not shake things up this Christmas and buy them a bona fide preserved specimen floating in a jar of formaldehyde? You can buy a leopard frog for around $2, a dogfish shark for $12, a squid for $5, an octopus for $11, a scorpion for $5 or any one of the many dozen specimens that are commonly used for biology classes. Buy them at biologyproducts.com, including displays.