Dumb of the Week: Now with more racism!

By Ben Olson
Reader Staff

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king, or so the old proverb goes. In the land of the Dumb, however, Donald Trump is king. Here are the latest salvos from The Island of Dr. Dumb.

Crash
In the week that has passed since our last Dumbening, Trump and his minions have essentially been speedrunning through the downfall of America with a ham-fisted attempt to kick out the legs from the table that has supported our form of democracy for nigh on 250 years.

After a terrible mid-air collision in Washington, D.C., which killed 67 people, Trump gave a press conference where he claimed — without any evidence to support his position — that the crash was caused by “DEI,” “Democrats” and “Biden.” After that didn’t hit the way he wanted it to, he followed up with an actual executive order that officially proclaimed the disaster happened because of “diversity, equity and inclusion.” 

It would take an archeologist to unearth the layers of Dumb that it takes to issue an executive order like this.

Let’s look at a quick timeline:

Jan. 20: Federal Aviation Administration Chief Mike Whitaker resigned after Elon Musk demanded that he quit. Musk didn’t like Whitaker because the latter proposed fining Musk-owned SpaceX more than $600,000 for allegedly failing to follow its licensing requirements during two launches in 2023. Whitaker’s ouster left the FAA without leadership.

Jan. 21: Onboarding new air traffic controllers was stopped after Trump issued an executive order implementing a freeze on hiring federal civilian employees.

Jan. 22: Trump disbanded the Aviation Safety Advisory Committee by executive order, along with firing the heads of the Transportation Security Administration and U.S. Coast Guard.

Jan. 28: A buyout demand was sent to existing federal employees, urging them to retire and take severance packages.

Jan. 29: The first fatal crash involving a major U.S. airline in 16 years occurred, as American Eagle Flight 5342 collided in midair with a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter, killing 67 people.

I’m not even going to go into the disgusting way that Trump’s explainers falsely accused a transgender military helicopter pilot of being at the controls of the Black Hawk that collided with the passenger plane, just because they wanted so badly for it to fit their narrative. I will call them all cowards, though, because they are.

Trade war bluff
Trump continued to rampage through the first two weeks of his presidency by igniting a trade war after announcing he’d enact 25% tariffs on goods imported from Canada and Mexico. He also assessed a 10% tariff on China.

Immediately after, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced retaliatory tariffs on the U.S., which would affect more than $106 billion worth of American goods, ranging from beer and wine to household appliances and sporting goods.

“We don’t want to be here; we didn’t ask for this,” Trudeau said at a news conference. 

Preach, brother, neither did I. 

For a bloc of voters who complained incessantly about high gas prices, Trump sycophants will have to engage in Olympic-level mental gymnastics to explain how this helps anybody right now. Remember that Canada supplies the U.S. with 61% of its total foreign crude oil — by far the largest source in the world.

Trump’s move left many baffled, as he managed to piss off one of our closest and oldest allies for absolutely no reason. Also, since Trump’s move, Canadians have united in opposition against him, and the U.S., as well. Fans at hockey games are loudly and vociferously booing the “Star-Spangled Banner.” Canadian liquor stores are striking American whiskies from their shelves, erecting signs that tell Canadians to buy from their own country. The mood is ugly between once-friendly nations. Let’s not forget that this was completely avoidable. 

In the whiplash style that we’re now familiar with, Trump then announced he would pause the tariffs for 30 days, after speaking with Canadian and Mexican leaders. Of course, Trump claimed this was a win for America, stating that he lifted the tariffs because our neighboring countries agreed to strengthen border security. The truth is, Canada and Mexico called Trump’s bluff. 

Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum was confident that Trump would blink first even before he paused the tariffs, and she even got concessions that he would promise the U.S. would do more to tackle the traffic of high-powered weapons from the U.S. into Mexico to prevent them from ending up with cartel gunmen.

For his part, Trudeau agreed to $900 million in measures that included efforts to disrupt the fentanyl trade, add new tools for Canadian border security efforts and enhanced coordination with U.S. law enforcement. However, Canada announced these measures in December. Trump didn’t win anything here; he only managed to alienate a longtime ally and spark a movement among patriotic Canadians to avoid buying American goods. 

Well done, stable genius. What’s next, a war on puppies?

Are we great again, yet?