The healing nature of kindness

By Ben Olson
Reader Staff

I was traveling in my 20s when I witnessed my first real random act of kindness. I was visiting a friend in San Francisco. We were driving across the Bay Bridge and stopped at the toll booth. She paid her toll and told the employee, “And this is for the car behind me.”

“What did you do that for?” I asked her as we drove away.

“I dunno, random act of kindness,” she shrugged. “Maybe they’re having a bad morning.”

It turned out she often did the same thing in the drive thru at a coffee shop, paying for the order of the person behind her. She said when she was having a bad day, she often committed a random act of kindness as a sort of “pay it forward” experiment. The result is that she often lifted her own spirits after helping another person for no reason other than to be kind.

I tried it myself a few weeks later. I saw a homeless man outside of my place in L.A. on my walk home from the store. He sat without socks on his cracked, dirty feet. I ran inside and grabbed a pair of my own socks, gave them to him and wound up sitting next to him on the sidewalk talking about life for about an hour. He was quite an articulate person, with a big heart and a really sad story. I never would’ve known it if I hadn’t given him a pair of my stupid socks that probably cost me a couple dollars and that I never noticed were gone.

In the aftermath of the presidential election, we have to come to terms with the fact that the United States is a divided nation in many ways. But it’s only that way because we have allowed ourselves to view one another as enemies when we are actually more alike than we think. When committing a random act of kindness, you suddenly realize that it doesn’t matter who someone voted for, what religion they follow, what kind of car they drive or where they’re from. If someone needs help, or an improvement on their mood, we should view them as human beings first and foremost, and leave all the politics aside.

On Election Night, I had to get away from the news for a bit and decided to walk to the store. As I was walking down Boyer Avenue, a couple of young kids were kicking a soccer ball around in their yard. One of the kids accidentally kicked the ball over the fence and a passing car smashed it flat with a loud pop. I ran out to the street and tossed the sad, deflated ball to the kids so they didn’t go out into the street, and saw the look of disappointment on their faces. 

On my way to the store I detoured at Big 5 without understanding why. Soon, I was inside, perusing the soccer balls on display and decided I was going to buy these kids — who I didn’t even know — a new ball to replace the one that was popped. I think I was heartened to see two young kids playing outside instead of inside with their head down to a device or playing video games. 

I bought the ball and walked back to their place, and suddenly felt conspicuous for some reason. In this post- post-modern era, where we often distrust people as a default, it caused me to think that maybe the kids’ parents would be suspicious of some stranger giving a soccer ball to their children for no apparent reason. I almost turned around and abandoned the plan, but then I gritted my teeth and said to myself, “Dammit, don’t let the dark parts of our world outshine the bright ones.”

I hollered over to the kids from the sidewalk and told them I bought them a new ball to replace the one that was popped. I laid it on their lawn and walked away, filled with good feelings that maybe I helped improve their day just a little bit. I did it for them, sure, but I really did it for myself, because that’s the world that I want to live in — where people see each other as fellow humans instead of opponents.

I encourage anyone reading this to look for an opportunity to commit a random act of kindness and do it. Pick up litter when walking downtown to your office, help someone get unstuck in the snow, assist an elderly neighbor rake their leaves or shovel their walk, complement your co-worker on their recent accomplishments, call your mom for no reason other than to say hello and tell her you love her. These seemingly small actions cost us next to nothing, but can go a long way to help heal the strains we have been under as a nation in recent years.

You’re not going to save the world by buying someone a soccer ball, but you might show them that not everyone is mean-spirited; not everyone is willing to abandon our human connection. By putting kindness into the world — especially in your own community — you are actively taking a part in making this world a better place, one kind act at a time. You just might see it come back to you someday when you need help.

The kindness that this community has shown me and my staff at the Reader over the years is astounding. I am forever indebted to the many people who have supported the Reader with donations and with encouraging letters and emails after we were the recipients of hate or after the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic showed us that things were not going to return to normal for quite some time. I probably would’ve hung up my spurs long ago in the newspaper business if not for the incredible acts of kindness you’ve shown us, Sandpoint, and for that I will always feel the need to pay it forward. I appreciate you all and am rooting for all of us.