By Ben Olson
Reader Staff
If I had purchased stock in Dumb a few years ago, I’d be swimming in cash like Scrooge McDuck. Let’s see what wouldn’t flush down this week.
After inexplicably inviting Syrian President Ahmed al-Sharaa, a former commander of al-Qaeda (you know, the terrorist organization that perpetrated the 9/11 attacks) on the day before Veterans Day of all days, President Donald Trump hosted Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman to the White House on Nov. 18. ABC reporter Mary Bruce directed a question to the Saudi leader: “Your royal highness, the U.S. intelligence concluded that you orchestrated the brutal murder of a journalist. 9/11 families are furious that you are here in the Oval Office. Why should Americans trust you? And the same to you, Mr. President?”
Predictably, Trump turned on the reporter and labeled her network “fake news,” then defended his family’s business operations in Saudi Arabia. He then dismissed the U.S. intelligence findings that the crown prince had some culpability in the 2018 killing of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi, saying, “a lot of people didn’t like” him and that “things happen.”
Trump continued his tirade, adding, “I think the license should be taken away from ABC because your news is so fake and it’s so wrong,” further claiming that he won the election in a “landslide.”
A few days earlier, during a question-and-answer session on Air Force One on Nov. 14, Bloomberg White House correspondent Catherine Lucey asked Trump about the Epstein files release, to which he responded: “Quiet! Quiet, piggy.”
The president’s biggest sycophants are all over social media posting things like “Winning!” at stories announcing Trump rolling back certain tariffs, which he imposed. This is often how Trump “wins”: reversing a terrible decision he made and claiming victory.
Finally, to negotiate a trade deal with Trump, representatives of the Swiss government arrived with a “special Rolex desktop clock”; “a 1-kilogram personalized gold bar” worth $130,000; and an embarrassing deluge of flattering statements directed toward our child president. As expected, after the meeting with Trump, the U.S. government cut its tariff rate on Swiss goods from 39% to 15%. In order to make the gifts legal, Trump accepted them on behalf of his presidential library.
Since taking office in January 2025, Trump has increased his net worth by a whopping $3 billion.
