By Ben Olson
Reader Staff
It’s been another Dumb week to be alive. Let’s dive into the sucking void, shall we?
After months of President Donald Trump raging about “his” Reflecting Pool being damaged by “vandals,” the federal government stunned absolutely no one last week by moving to drop charges against multiple individuals in connection with alleged damage to the pool near the Lincoln Memorial.
Federal prosecutors moved to drop the vandalism case against former-Olympic athlete David Hearn on July 31, which was a sharp departure from their monthslong argument that Hearn was responsible for damage to the pool’s new $14 million lining.
Former-Fox News host and current-wine-guzzling buffoon Jeanine Pirro was summoned to Dear Leader’s office to explain why she “choked,” as Trump worded it.
As U.S. Attorney for D.C., Pirro lugged a box full of evidence to the White House on Aug. 3 to explain to the cranky leader of the free world that the Reflecting Pool damage was caused by a “botched installation,” not by vandals.
Trump took the news with humility and swiftly apologized for his numerous false accusations against American citizens, which could have led to them serving a decade in prison. Nah, I’m just kidding. He did what he always does when confronted with facts: he whined, bitched, attacked and then doubled down on his lies.
“Frankly, I think she choked because the judge was really vicious,” Trump said. “Instead of going after the people that did it, the judge went after her and went after her department, and I guess she choked.”
The fact that Pirro — who has had her head firmly lodged up Trump’s ass since she was paid to lie on Fox News — is declining to bring charges against these individuals is proof enough that Trump’s accusations were completely baseless. It was the construction firm he hired that screwed up, not the people arrested for vandalism.
The whole story would be an embarrassing setback for Trump if he had the ability to feel shame or humility, but we’re talking about the guy who still claims the 2020 election was “rigged” even though six years have passed and even his own voting commissions have failed to turn up a shred of evidence supporting his lies.
Republican Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy said of Pirro, “All I know is, you better not go before a federal judge and make allegations you can’t back up. … They are very serious about it.”
“I think [Hearn is] going to sue,” or file for compensation under the Federal Tort Claims Act, Kennedy said. “I mean, I would.”
Charges were also dropped against three other people accused of removing pieces of paint from the pool.
In April, Trump said he hand-picked the firm Atlantic Industrial Coatings to work on the Reflecting Pool, claiming he spoke with them on the phone after they worked on a golf course he owned.
But Trump suddenly came down with “presidential amnesia” on Aug. 3, claiming, “I didn’t know the contractor.”
Everything the man touches or talks about always turns into what no one wants to find floating in a pool.
