Single in Sandpoint: Date like a moose

By Scarlette Quille
Reader Columnist

I was browsing through local forums on Facebook the other day, and I ran across a post that caught my eye. Essentially, it was something about how wolves are the root of all evil because humans have to compete with them for food like elk, deer and moose. I have heard the argument before. It irritates me, as I do not believe there are any humans starving because they didn’t fill their hunting tag. However, this isn’t the part of the post that piqued my interest. In the hundreds of comments, and I do mean hundreds, people get real fired up over wolves, one comment in particular stood out. It was about the moose that are roaming around Sandpoint.

Illustration by Angela Euliarte.

The post essentially said that a couple of moose that having been roaming around Sandpoint, hanging out at Super 1 and occasionally window shopping down town. The moose have apparently decided to flee the mountains because they are fearful of a gang entity — specifically the Schweitzer Wolf Pack. The post said that moose “never” used to be downtown, and that now the Schweitzer Wolf Pack has amassed such numbers that the moose are living in fear, they would rather subject themselves to the dangers of town than risk their lives on the mountain. 

First of all, I have lived here for the better part of 40 years and always lived in town within walking distance to the center. I remember walking to school in sixth grade and seeing a moose crossing the railroad tracks next to Dub’s (a local burger joint for those of you who aren’t from Sandpoint). This was before the re-introduction of wolves to Central Idaho in 1995 and 1996. When I was in high school, a moose trampled our dog and mangled our swing set. Again, this was before the wolves were re-introduced into our area. The point being, moose have been known to come hang out in town, and it doesn’t have shit to do with the emergence of any new super scary wolf pack. 

  Native Americans believe that all living things are teachers, and if one takes the time to observe the animals they encounter, they will learn valuable lessons from them. That is where the concept of spirit or medicine animals is derived from. Maybe the moose are hanging out  in Sandpoint because we are supposed to learn from them. Or maybe the few moose that wander around town are all from the same family of moose and have learned over the years that there is a vast supply of delicious shrubbery available, relatively hassle free, in the human world. I mean, let’s be real here, folks, the same two moose have been roaming around town for months now. It’s not like we have an entire herd in town. 

So what is the lesson the moose are trying to teach us? Well, for starters, I would say the lesson here is, “Work smarter, not harder.” Take note, city planners. But since this column is specifically geared toward the Singles in Sandpoint, that’s where I am going to apply the lesson.

If you are having a difficult time traversing some of the typical spots for finding a date or mate, such as the bar scene or the gym, perhaps it’s time to take a page out of the moose’s handbook and change scenery. The moose is searching for something in the moose world that is as rare and exotic, much like a date in Sandpoint. Do you see where I am going with this? The Sandpoint moose has decided to take its search for food to a place where the supply is high and competition is scarce. An added bonus is that the moose’s presence is noticed and celebrated by the inhabitants of this promised land. Our local moose are photographed, watched, tracked, they even have their own Facebook page. No one is threatening the moose, saying, “Hey you can’t just eat my bush whenever you want.” Humans are so humbled and surprised to see a moose munching on a bush, in their yard that the only thing they can do is take a picture of it. This strange and non-threatening response allows the moose to fulfill its desire to eat exotic bushes and sleep on well-manicured lawns without the fear of the stronger, well-toned mountain moose moving in on its territory.  

As a single in a small town, you must find a place where there is no one else like you in order to stand out. In the dating world, this would look a lot like a single man in a knitting class or a woman in welding class. I’M NOT SAYING THAT IT’S WRONG for men to knit and women to weld heavy machinery. I’m just saying you have a better chance of standing out in these types of scenarios.  You will become the moose of your class and have a greater chance at finding the optimal bush in the area.

Or perhaps the moose is lazy, not smart. If this is your take on the scenario, try internet dating.  

Or perhaps the moose is being terrorized by a fictitious pack of wild canines, and exposing itself to an endless smörgåsbord is the only option it has left.

Regardless on your take of the situation, daters, the next time you go out in search of love, channel your inner moose.

XOXO
SQ